Cliff Jumping (Corona Del Mar)

I have never been a big one for jumping off of diving boards, tall surfaces, let alone, steep cliffs. In fact, any time that I'd been encouraged to jump into a lake or pond from a tall surface, I have chickened out before. But this time, I wasn't going to shy away. This time was different.

After my first real, big break up.. I found myself looking for a new change of scenery and a trip back to my roots, my roots back in Beverly Hills. I went back and visited my old high school, visited old high school friends and generally got a sense of myself back on track. It was refreshing to be back with the people who really shaped my teenage years. In particular, Estelle, was able to bring me out of my funk and show me some of the nature's sides of Los Angeles that I'd not experienced back in BH. We drove to Corona Del Mar, in our bathing suits and Go Pros gear alongside two other males on our search for a good time. One of the most freeing moments in my life was at this very moment.

I'd been walking alongside the water and making comments on the world, relationships and some grotesque topics like necrophilia with Justin. I am sure I came across as a complete basket case. But ultimately I must have also redeemed myself in some charming way because we ended up laughing a lot through the conversation and discussions about the meaning of life.

Upon climbing the cliffs, I found that there was nothing quite as peaceful as the top. But there also was nothing quite as intimidating as the long fall downwards. I had to find my peace in the jump. Some of the boys jumped first. Justin jumped, and naturally had cut his hand a little bit on one of the rocks below. Each of us made our leaps, and I climbed a bit further down from the cliff and made my decision to jump.

It was before this that I would have never considered taking a leap like that. I knew that in my past relationship, he may have been someone who could bravely face the open air... But I always felt too afraid to join. Taking this into consideration, I made the choice to take the leap, if not for someone else, than truly for myself. I would make this happen because I knew that I could. And I didn't need anyone else to comfort me in that. It was a great feeling of autonomy that washed over me when I landed in the water. I washed away the feelings of not being enough, feelings of fear and came up to the surface for air and rubbed my eyes to brave the effects of the sun's rays in my eyes. What started as a cloudy, somewhat rainy day... turned into a bright, shining beacon of hope for the future and embracing being totally solo (with the help of a few friends).